Rene is home, full of wonderful stories of her trip, the places they went, the things they did, the others on the tour. She is the most amazing traveler, bright-eyed and child-like, interested in everything and everyone, and most people enjoy her presence. Just hearing her stories makes me smile and know why people are drawn to her. As, of course, am I!
I am working to turn my attention to real preparation for the surgery. The hospitalization after my fall in '03 was a nightmare of unregulated pain, over worked, and at times uncompassionate nurses and aides, and pompous doctors who didn't give a shit. (Except for my PCP, who saved my life because he knew not to make the same assumptions others were.)
This hospitalization will be different-and at a different hospital. I am girding up my loins(so to speak, and in a variety of ways) to become an Amazon, a Woman Warrior for my own Health. Not the kind of man-hating, battle-axe carrying cartoon Amazon of TV or movies, but a Warrior who is on an individual Journey of development and growth.
I plan to use the labrys, or battle-axe, to cut away the scars of years and years of abuse by judgmental, thoughtless, uncaring doctors and nurses, the stupidity of the whole medical system, and my own willingness to accept this treatment as normal. I will be courageous in accepting the necessary indignities and pain, but I will ask for help, good pain control, caring treatment, whatever I need. If it is not forthcoming, I will ask again more firmly, then move on to demanding. I will use the hospital ombudsman, if necessary.
I will also be appreciative when I get what I need, and tell people so. I will get up and walk the first time I am asked to, or at least give it a Warrior's try. I will not whine (too publicly) about nausea; after all I am choosing to have this surgery in the first place. And choosing to use The Woman Warrior as an archetype. On the other hand, I am not stepping into the archetype completely. I'd prefer to emerge from this part of the journey relatively unscathed.
So I am meditating on what Warrior energy I haveto call on, where it will come from, what it will look like, how it can be helpful.. And still whining and feeling sorry for myself now and then, too. It may be a difficult weekend, but I will muddle my way through, as always. And write a lot, too, I suspect.