Sunday, October 26, 2008

I'm Still Changing- With a Goodbye

I am still alive and functioning in Gales Ferry. And still quite gobsmacked over the length and breadth and depth of the pain and anger around my parents' deaths. We had an Episcopalian Memorial Service over Columbus Day Weekend in the Poconos. It was a beautiful, only slightly chilly Fall day, and we held it in an outside in an opening in the woods used for Quaker Meeting/Church Services. Both parents would have loved the place, the weather, and the company.
I was rather overwhelmed by the company. Present were my father's sister and her husband, and his sister, and my father's brother, and a couple of others all over 80, deaf, and yelling at each other, my brother, sister, myself, and a friend of mine who came along to help with the driving, all dancing around each other working hard at being polite, and three of my five nephews, working on drinking as much beer and wine as possible (two are of age, one isn't quite, yet).
I was rather overwhelmed, sipping my one polite drink in the midst of a hard drinking crowd, going outside to smoke just to put some distance between the multitude and myself. The best time was Sunday afternoon, when everybody but immediate family had departed, and I could let go enough to have a second drink and enjoy leftovers.
Clearly, I managed to survive with my polite smile pasted firmly on, but then came home and fell apart again. But I have taken my front garden of 6 years of weeds, dug up over 200 Giant Dutch irises, and if my tears have watered it more than I'd like, there is little to do about it.
And now on to the next big loss; J-Land. I have been here for nearly six years, and I am very sad to be leaving. But moving on I am. My new journal can be found at I hope my readers will follow me over there, for I will miss those who don't.
Also, could you all send me your new addresses, even if you have already. I have been a little vague and missed a number of things going on around me!
Many Blessings to All, And With Love,