Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Pet Peeve

  You know what? I have a pet peeve about doctors' questionnaires. You know, those interminable sheets of papers that ask for name, DOB, allergies, next of kin, meds you are taking? Well, practically ALL of them ask you to check single, married, divorced or widowed.  

 Now, I am no longer much of an in-your-face-lesbian, I leave that to the younger and more energetic (thank you, those who are, I appreciate your efforts). I have also come to realize that my lesbian lifestyle is so like my neighbors' heterosexual lifestyles that it makes no nevermind (As my father used to say.) That is, I live a boring suburban lifestyle, and would not have it any other way. Except for the marches on Washington, the viewing of the whole Quilt, and the time we had our Ceremony of Commitment and a picture of us kissing ended up in the local paper. But I digress. 

 I believe ALL doctors should have a space for "living with partner" or "in committed relationship" or something that fits the myriad of lifestyles of today. These things are not necessarily a GLBT only issue; many couples remain unmarried, but committed.   It is an issue for me, because Rene and I have encountered such ignorance in the past. Doctors who refused to keep the other up to date because we're not blood kin, hospitals that wouldn't give out information-well before the new regs. And this, despite our wills and power of medical attorney papers -- because they never asked who we were living with, or committed to. And we didn't tell, because it seemed easier that way.

 Now I go into each new doctor struggling to keep the chip on my shoulder from getting in the way. I make my own square to mark, variously putting down my suggestions above, or "other," depending on my mood.  I try to point out the error of their paperwork's ways, politely with a brief explanation. On a Big-Chip-day, I might go into a tirade about how the GLBT community does not get the care they need, because of subtle discrimination like this. Who wants to open up to someone whose paperwork denies my very existence?   Today at the doctor, I was so tired, I forgot to say anything about it at all. Since itis such a pet peeve, I won't let the opportunity pass again!  

Blessings, Margo    


momdadat447 said...

Margo I agree completely with you I am with Donald but we are not married either. I can see why you get so upset with ignorant people. Keep your chin up Margo :) ((((((HUGS))))))  ~~Angela~~

blondepennierae said...

This isn't just a 'pet peeve' with me.  It just plain makes me angry.  When my dear friend was terminal it was not her partner of 34 years that made the decisions, the doctors went to her nephew.  He wasn't the one that heard her hearts desire's.  He wasn't the one that she had confided in.  He wasn't the one that she had given instructions to.  Thank goodnes he listened to her partner, but what if he hadn't been a sensitive man.  It makes my blood boil!  Pennie

poetmom1968 said...

Ya know, I never really thought about what you put in your entry.  You are absolutely right though and I understand why it would be a pet peeve.  And because you've brought my attention to it, if I ever have to fill out forms I'll put a note in that section.  Why a life partner can't be within the list to check off.  Even though I'm married, I'll bring it up because it's not right to be excluded out like that.  

kathleenggoode said...

I think they really could less about you personally, they just want to know who they can go after for their money if you are unable to pay.  The bottom line is always the buck!

jadzia7667 said...

I check the married box, then explain.  We are married, in my eyes and in the eyes of my Goddess and my wife's God.  The fact that government refuses to recognize said marriage is immaterial.  I have paperwork to shield me - lol.