Tuesday, December 6, 2005

Still Alive and Waiting

I haven't written much lately, because there is nothing new to write about, and I don't want to fall into one long whine. Rene is still here, busily packing box after box after box, and even though her loan came through nobody seems to know when closing-and hence moving-day will be.

I am still stuck waiting for her to leave before I can do the grieving necessary to move on. I try hard not to take the low road and argue or snipe at her, but I struggle with it. I know the higher road will leave me happier in the end, and her, too.

I am still hoping she'll be gone by Christmas. Meg and my friend Peggy and I will get together for a couple of hours, and I will low key the rest of the day. I am going to put the tree up, with just lights and icicles, but that will probably be the extent of my Christmas decorating. These decisions have helped me, because I do not have the energy to get caught in the Christmas Chaos which rages in the outside world today.

This is one time of year I am sorry not to be a believing Christian anymore-I used to enjoy Advent and the religious aspects leading up to Christ's birth. I will have a small solitary Winter Solstice ritual, and am looking forward to that.

Phew! I am exhausted trying to be optimistic under these circumstances! Had to laugh(eventually) at one of my Dr's nurses. She was trying to cheer me up and told me she believed one only needed three out of four things in life to be happy. The four things were:

1) a good relationship
2) enough money to live on
3) a job one liked at least some of the time
4) one's health

I looked her straight in the face and took the low road.
"Gee, I said," I cannot claim even one out of the four."
Her face fell, and she mumbled something about the doctor being right in, and fled. For a few minutes I was bummed, then I began to see the funny side of it. She probably uses that explanation to cheer lots of patients up, and I'm probably the first one on whom it completely backfired

Despite it all, I am doing okay, and will survive Rene's departure and the Holiday Season. I am hoping that the people I care about will have a joyous season, full of friends and family and good food, and the blessing of the Christ Child who brings Light into the world, and peace, too.

Blessings, Margo

PS You can also find me at http://magogosmusing.blogspot.com/

13 comments:

ksquester said...

Margo, In spite of everything, I think you sound more upbeat. You have a plan and that is good. I remember reading you last year and I think you sound better. In actuallity one needs only food and water to exsist and anything more than that is just a bonus. I bet the nurse won't ever make that statement again.  Anne

luvmort said...

Dahling, it sounds to me you are becoming a curmudgeon. JUST LIKE ME! Pull up a divan and we'll have a few cocktails and just start tearing everyone apart.
Oh, I can't wait!

blondepennierae said...

The thought of the chirpy nurse giving you those 4 'things' tickled me.   I have 2 of the 4 ... what does that make me?  Half happy!  You sound much better Margo.  Even if the positive outlook is exhausting it IS positive.  Ugh that almost made ME sick .....   It's Christmas time and positive isn't always easy, even for those of us that have 2 out of 4.  LOL  Pennie

blondepennierae said...

The thought of the chirpy nurse giving you those 4 'things' tickled me.   I have 2 of the 4 ... what does that make me?  Half happy!  You sound much better Margo.  Even if the positive outlook is exhausting it IS positive.  Ugh that almost made ME sick .....   It's Christmas time and positive isn't always easy, even for those of us that have 2 out of 4.  LOL  Pennie

chasingmoksha said...

Whew Who you have a new site, I am so glad.  I hate coming over here.  I shall go and visit and book mark you now!  


I like the tree concept.  I could do just lights sometimes as well.  Sometimes you have to do what you gotta do.

I think I would have slapped ms. perky nurse!

christapaz said...

The funny thing is that none of those things will make you happy. Happiness is fleeting, and concerns the outside world. Peace and serenity concern the internal relationship we have with ourselves. They are much more reliable. I'm glad you are putting up the tree to honor Goddess and the Winter Solstice. love, christa

csandhollow said...

Her dragging her feet is not helping. I do hope that you can find peace soon.

indigosunmoon said...

The good relationship is the only thing
I can claim to have right now.
Kinda depressing. <sigh>
Love you Margo!
Connie

moonpie337 said...

Wow...thanks for sharing, you're just the person I needed to talk to today...and you've inspired me to be less superficial in my own journal....for the record, i only have 1 out of the 4---a job that i like, but its only part time seasonal, so I guess i'll be partly happy for the last quarter of the year....i can't remember who gave this advice, but i kinda like it:  always have something to love, something to do, and something to look forward to....many blessings to you

njlittlebear said...

I think it's impossible to have all 4 of those at one time.  I'm glad you're doing ok.



NJLB
http://journals.aol.com/njlittlebear/MyBigFatGeekLife

shaz19743 said...

That nurse is gonna give me nightmares .....ive got 1 of the 4 right now .....actually who am i kidding hehe Even that 1 isnt 100% but ach what can ya do ...just gotta work on getting them 1 by 1 ....juggle them nicely and hope they dont fall x

dbaumgartner said...

Wow, out of the list of four I'm right there with you.  Despite the fact that I cannot claim any of the four, I still find moments of happiness.

I think one thing that is sorely missing from the list is the joy of great friendship.  Knowing you have friends and knowing they are there for you, in person or in email, is a true blessing and a key to happiness.

Hugs, MY FRIEND!

Deb

lamove04 said...

ERg, well at least I have 2 out of 4, kinda sorta if I don't think about it too hard.
:-/  

Catching up here, my friend... hugs, Albert