Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Life Changed Today

Rene moved out today. We had been together 13 years and 11 months. She still has to come back and get Miya(her Chihuahua), tonight, she said, and a whole bunch of stuff that didn't fit in the moving van. She will need to bring help-her brother and sister-in-law, whom I have grown to love over the years, and a few others. That will be next week.

I haven't cried much yet, but the tears will come, because despite it all, I still love her. And I am both sorry and glad she's gone. Odd how emotions are tangled together, and you can flow from one to another in a nanosecond. I'm angry at her, grateful to her, terribly sad, and quite relieved. And I miss her terribly already.

Still, the house feels suddenly, wonderfully larger, and I will have space to put up more altars, to move furniture around, to smudge, and do ritual and live my own life. There is a very painful bitter sweetness about it all.

I am over 200 journal entries behind, and will let myself catch up slowly, but I hope you all are having a sane and healthy season, and that your Christmas, Hanukkah, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, and any celebration I've left out is joyful.

Blessings, Margo

15 comments:

dklars said...

Stay strong, Margo.  Think of it as a new beginning, not an ending.  Best of luck to you, I'll keep praying for you
~~Kath~~

ksquester said...

Margo. There is a new dawn coming. I have no doubt that you will miss Rene but you will continue to grow strong and healthy.    Anne

indigosunmoon said...

Margo,
This is just the beginning to your
wonderful new life.  
You are in my thoughts sweetie.
Love,
Connie

donah42 said...

Whatever the future brings, we will be here to support you...

makemarc said...

What do you mean, 200 journal entries behind!  Don't put any unnecessary pressure on yourself right now, honey. Keep busy, but don't overstress!

njlittlebear said...

Hold on to the good memories but it's time to start making new ones.  Have a great Holiday !  

NJLB
http://journals.aol.com/njlittlebear/MyBigFatGeekLife

christapaz said...

I hear the sadness in your writing, but also hope. And, it is always amazing to me how complicated feelings can be any situation, much less one that changes almost everything in your life. I am so sad and so happy for you all mushed together. much love, christa

ryanagi said...

{{{Margo}}} Remember the good stuff and let go of the bad. I hope you find your peace soon, my friend.

dbaumgartner said...

In time you will spread your wings and fly.

Hugs, my dear, dear friend.

Deb

blondepennierae said...

And so a new journey begins.  The path will have it's tears, but soon the joys of a new found freedom will put a smile back in your day.  You are surrounded by love and good wishes.  Pennie

shaz19743 said...

Margo im with you all the way .....new beginnings are always sad and can be so scary too.....but then again they open so many oppertunitys improvements and roads to travel down and im praying this is what lies ahead for you .
So many of us stick with things and people who just arent ever going to be the right one for us , we may always love them but we grow to realise also that its for the best .
I know it hurts like hell right now though but you will get through this and come out even stronger and happier the other side x

bosoxblue6993w said...

we share your journey vicariously.     whatever transpires ... we are with you.

derasta said...

Margo, this is a new beginning for you...the unknown is so scary but as it unfolds I'm sure you will find much happiness...I love your journal so much...I read often but do not comment much...I just wanted to let you know that I think you are a very strong and loving woman...

luvmort said...

How many "altars" do you need? Are there that many gods in your belief system?
BTW, I feel your pain. I was with Joe for ten years and I still ache to my bones over our break-up and it's been almost five years.

lamove04 said...

More altars sound like a great plan to me!  --Albert