I I am still alive and okay in Southeastern CT. Rene's departure was incredibly painful, and still leaves a big hole in my life, but I am glad she's gone. It feels as if I can breath differently now, live without the pressure we created as our marriage disintegrated. ( Of course, I must point out that despite our Ceremony of Commitment, and 14 years together it was not a "marriage" because gays and lesbians do not have all their civil rights yet, but that is a whole other entry)
I have hired a local maid service-two women- to come in and clean the house. Cheryl and Diane have been working hard for almost 3 days, and all they have finished is the living room and two-thirds of the kitchen! On the other hand the living room, and kitchen were not this clean when I moved in over 30 years ago! Rene and I petered out on heavy housework after my accident. Part of me is angry that I have to pay a huge amount of money to catch up, and another part doesn't care if I spend all my savings(which will probably happen)-I am reclaiming my house room by room with their help.
My living room is wonderful, arranged as I want it, clean and quite uncluttered(for me). I tend to attract clutter, so I'll have to work hard to keep all this up! I feel lighter in that room than I have in years. I am really pleased.
I do have some very dark times, but I am aware that I am waiting for the next part of my life to open up and claim me. It will take time, and winter is not an optimistic time for me, but I will make it through-Warrior Woman just keeps moving onwards, dragging me with her!
I am now over 300 e-mail journal entries behind- I am still dragging my exhaused self around to too many places, and purging stuff when I can, and struggling to get enough protein and water in. Collapsing in front of the boob tube to tune out the world has become my escape, but I will catch up, and I do like to comment at least some, so be patient with me.
I really can feel the care and concern that many of you have for me, and appreciate the thoughts, prayers and energy you send my way. I feel very blessed by my online friends-Thank you.
Happy Winter Solstice, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa to all and everyone!