Friday, November 4, 2005

I'm Still Standing, or at least Staggering Forward

I am alive and doing okay. Still sad, still crying at unexpected moments, but moving on, nevertheless. Rene has made a bid on a condo/duplex in an area of completely renovated old mill workers' houses. It's a nice size and a nice safe neighborhood, and has plenty of storage. I hope she gets it, because it would be perfect for her. Closing would be Dec. 10, and it's about a 20 minute ride from here. She has started packing up some stuff already.

We are getting along well. We were happy to have over 60 Trick-or-Treaters, and had a good time handing out little bags of cheetos, instead of candy, which I didn't want in the house. They went over big, much to our surprise. Kids in the neighborhood were talking about them  for days! Who woulda thunk it?

I am leaving to see my parents in the Poconos of PA on Sunday, without Rene. It's a little scary-I have not driven more than an hour or so since last spring, but I have to start doing more for and by myself. Now seems as good a time as any to start. My mom has had two eye surgeries this summer, and is not allowed to fly yet, but they will be heading back to CO mid-December. I am hoping all will be well during the winter and they will be back to PA come spring.

I am meditating and mulling around about my weight, my relationship with food, and with Rene, and how I cannot seem to move onward until she has moved out. Actually, as I write that it seems pretty silly. I am moving-going to the gym, to physical therapy, working to get my protein and fluids in, pushing myself a bit each day. It's just that I cannot see that movement yet, but getting my house in order will be an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual change-eventually.

Sometime after Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year, I hope. Between now and then, I just plan to keep plodding ahead.

 I am behind on reading journals, and not commenting much when I do read, but I still appreciate the support I feel from out there in my small corner of J-land. As I have more time to look at the changes that have happened and are happening in my life, I hope to see more clearly how to respond with growth to the challenges I've been presented.

Blessings, Margo


ryanagi said...

Hey! The Poconos are my neck of the woods. Let me know if you want to go for a walk or something one day, if you feel the need to get out. Only if you have time. I'm sure your parents are looking forward to your visit. :-) Hang in there, hun!

jasonlane1968 said...

Well - I finally found my way to your journal and had plenty to read and learn.  The break-up sounds both sad and exciting.  The freedom of moving forward from a stagnant pool is exillerating, but the letting go of things that have accumulated (material and emotional) can seem overwhelming.  Ride the wave of excitement for as long as it will let you.    

ksquester said...

Margo, I carry a piece of you in my mind and heart everyday. Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare?  Just keep moving is the answer and you are. I am so ernormously proud of you. Do something completely silly this week. It will make you feel great!   Anne

bosoxblue6993w said...

'STILL STANDING' is right!     your perseverance and innate optimism bubble to the surface here.

christapaz said...

Wow, you may not see it yet, but you sound so much better. You seem almost excited about your new life. I hope you have a wonderful trip. By the way, I really worry when you don't write. love, christa

chasingmoksha said...

The condo sounds nice.  Who knows, the two of you may become the best of friends all over again.  

I think your activity sounds great.  Very motivated, I can feel it.

So is the drive that far?  Four or five hours maybe.  I have no clue.

The Cheetos are great.  Kids love that stuff!  

indigosunmoon said...

I know your sad Margo.  Who wouldn't be.
But your moving forward, slowly but surely.
Thinking of you,

blondepennierae said...

You are constantly in my thoughts. I admire you so very much.  You are moving forward.  It shows in the words you write.  Blessings, Pennie

hestiahomeschool said...

I want you to know that I think of you several times during the day. You have been such a sweet support to my family and you are precious to us.

jouell3935 said...

Margo, I am with ya every step of the way. I like your realistic look...or outlook should I say?
No kidding yourself at all, and that my friend is a step(s)in the right direction to moving forward...outwardly and inwardly!
Have a safe trip...will be here waiting to hear of our travels...ever come north let me know! Actually, I may be headed to Groton soon...

Peace my friend

judithheartsong said...

you are an amazing and wonderful woman. love, judi

luvmort said...

It's great that you are doing something. That's how it begins, one foot in front of the other. You'll get there. It takes time but, it'll happen.
I wish I had trick-or-treaters, we live in a building and we didn't have any. Poop!