I am home from the hospital, with a very small hole in my pouch that apparently burst through a little more than a week ago. I went for what everyone believed would be a routine Upper GI, and low and behold, a pinhole that lets food trickle into my abdomen. The solution? No food in the pouch for two to six weeks. They are calling it a small setback.
I am devastated. Not by the setback itself, or even by the 12 hours a day I must now be hooked up to a feeding tube, though neither makes me happy. I am devastated that they have to pump in more calories than I should have by my doctors WLS standard, because I need extra calories to heal.
Now I know, it's still less than before, and I know I have to heal, and I know this is just a not-too-common but small side effect of the surgery and I know it could be so much worse, and I know a setback does not mean the end, etc, etc... I have heard so many look -on -the -bright side facts in the last few days, that they sound like platitudes, and all from people who have not had to choose to go through the hell that is WLS(and people still say it's the easy way out)
But I have gotten through so far, concentrating on the recognition that this is the prime time for weight loss, that it gets harder after the first couple of months, use it well and wisely, and I certainly was. I had lost 53 pounds, and was proud. So far I have gained back 5 pounds. And I can't even call the pharmacist at the company which makes the food replacement stuff to find out how many calories I am forced to take in until tomorrow because he's not available on weekends(This is something Dr. Bell suggested I check on, because most feeding liquid is made to fatten people up! )
All I do is whine and I mourn. I am still exhausted from no sleep in the hospital, and sad and enraged and stuck and miserably sorry for myself. Sorry to spew my misery out into J-Land, especially during it's Second Anniversary Celebration. I want to celebrate, too, but cannot dredge up the necessary energy.
I don't want anyone to panic on my behalf- I will crawl out of this pit as I always do, I just am hating that I have to be here yet again.