One step forward, three or four steps backwards.
Rene said today she cannot stand my knee jerk negative reaction to everything, which was bad before, but much worse now. I am not too happy about it myself, but oh, lordy do I not have much energy to work on that change at the moment(and it does take energy.)
We both agreed that for two years we have been saying life's got to get better if we just hang in, but today we recognized that it has not gotten appreciably better, and much worse since my bypass. It will get better, I do know this, but apparently not soon. I called my surgeon's office today because I cannot get anywhere near enough food and water down as I need (especially water.) By 2:00 PM my stomach starts to hurt, and aches until I fall asleep. His nurse put me back to 3 ounces of food a day( I had been approaching 4 a day) and told me if I was not better by Tuesday, she'll have me come in for another barium swallow. I am probably just healing slowly, but better safe than sorry.
And my Primary Care Physician of 10 years- who I like and trust-a rare combination-"fired" me today, because he believes I am using too many or trying to get more pain meds than I should. It was a shock, then a terrible betrayal. Luckily, he's wrong, I am proud of never once taking more meds than were prescribed by my pain management doc, and usually taking a lot less. I ended up between pain management docs recently (Worker's Comp issue) and made the mistake of calling him for help, then crying when his nurse called back 24 hours later to tell me no.
I hate the medical system, and I feel betrayed by a doctor who could not even take the time to offer counseling or a place to go if he does think I am addicted. I need another top notch PCP, now, immediately, to take on my complex medical situation, not an easy thing to find in this (or any) area.
It has not been a good day.
Little Orphan Annie would say, "The sun will come out tomorrow!" and all I can say is, yes it will, to another 90 degree day with high humidity so going to out tomorrow (which I have to do) will cause chest pain and SOB. Bah Humbug. Setbacks are difficult when one is feeling fragile anyway, but I will slog through this, too, and emerge. I always do. I am just really tired .
Blessings(and we all need them), Margo