Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Setbacks Galore

One step forward, three or four steps backwards.

Rene said today she cannot stand my knee jerk negative reaction to everything, which was bad before, but much worse now. I am not too happy about it myself, but oh, lordy do I not have much energy to work on that change at the moment(and it does take energy.)  

We both agreed that for two years we have been saying life's got to get better if we just hang in, but today we recognized that it has not gotten appreciably better, and much worse since my bypass. It will get better, I do know this, but apparently not soon.   I called my surgeon's office today because I cannot get anywhere near enough food and water down as I need (especially water.) By 2:00 PM my stomach starts to hurt, and aches until I fall asleep. His nurse put me back to 3 ounces of food a day( I had been approaching 4 a day) and told me if I was not better by Tuesday, she'll have me come in for another barium swallow. I am probably just healing slowly, but better safe than sorry. 

And my Primary Care Physician of 10 years- who I like and trust-a rare combination-"fired" me today, because he believes I am using too many or trying to get more pain meds than I should. It was a shock, then a terrible betrayal. Luckily, he's wrong, I am proud of never once taking more meds than were prescribed by my pain management doc, and usually taking a lot less. I ended up between pain management docs recently (Worker's Comp issue) and made the mistake of calling him for help, then crying when his nurse called back 24 hours later to tell me no.  

I hate the medical system, and I feel betrayed by a doctor who could not even take the time to offer counseling or a place to go if he does think I am addicted. I need another top notch PCP, now, immediately, to take on my complex medical situation, not an easy thing to find in this (or any) area.  

 It has not been a good day.  

Little Orphan Annie would say, "The sun will come out tomorrow!" and all I can say is, yes it will, to another 90 degree day with high humidity so going to out tomorrow (which I have to do) will cause chest pain and SOB. Bah Humbug.   Setbacks are difficult when one is feeling fragile anyway, but I will slog through this, too, and emerge. I always do. I am just really tired .  

Blessings(and we all need them), Margo  


ksquester said...

Margo, you are in my thoughts and prayers........I know this time can not be easy and I do hope that you are able to get good medical care. Don't give up on finding it, just slow and steady. Very few doctors come close to adequately treating pain. IF you can find one who has personally experienced pain, it's a plus. I would also write your PCP and express to him that you have stayed on course with your meds and have not exceeded the limit and to please post your letter in your chart for doccumentation.....just an idea.  Who knows what the nurse told him(?)  Hang in there, you are amoung friends.   Lovingly, Anne

ryanagi said...

Good lord, Margo...this just SUCKS! I can't believe what your doc did. I agree! Send a letter telling your side and request it be placed in your file. The last thing you want is to be red flagged as some kind of problem child patient. I hope you find a doc that is even better.

magogos said...

Good suggestion! I had already written him a letter(if you are interested, I can e-mail it to you), but ran out to the mail box, got the letter, and added the request to place it in my file. Thank you so much. Margo

christapaz said...

You are my hero of the day. I would be neck deep in self-pity at this point. Chronic pain is the one thing most PCPs hate to hear about, but I hope you can find a great doctor who is empathetic. Just like you told me, faith, faith, faith!  love, christa

indigosunmoon said...

You are still early in your recovery from bypass surgery.
I know this.  I am a few weeks ahead of you, and I still
have problems sometimes.  My moods vary from day
to day also because of it.  I hope you and Rene can work
things out.  You really need a strong support system
during this difficult time/change in your life.  

Also, someone VERY smart told me not to concentrate
so much on the lack of food I was getting...and more
on the amount of liquid I was getting.  When I started
worrying and making more of a conscious effort to drink
instead of eat I learned that I did get more hydration.

I hope things get better for you babe.
Much love,

jouell3935 said...

Oh Margo....You are still in recovery and along with that recovery comes the emotional end of things...Try to be focused I know it is hard...but seek jus a little positive out of every day, every moment and hold it for the time, in time

judithheartsong said...

damn that doctor. judi

csandhollow said...

My MIL's Doc fired her too because of pain pills. She deserved it. She was getting them and selling them or getting them for daughter.

hestiahomeschool said...

That doctor is a butt-head.