Monday, October 25, 2004

Cloudy Weather

  As some of you may have surmised, I have not posted in a couple of weeks because I have been really depressed, unable, or unwilling, to summon up the energy to write anything new. I can keep on posting "poor me, I'm not doing well" until the cows come home, but it doesn't help me, or make interesting reading, and I'm tired of it all.  My life is so much better than so many people I know, online and off, that I am ashamed to be down in the pits so long.  

 However, since I know it will be a long time before anything of a bovine nature comes wandering down our dead end street, I better jump back into the J-Land pool now. I have been a lurker, dipping my toes in the water by posting an occasional comment, but mostly just passing through day after day, a weary wanderer, searching, searching for I know not what, etc,etc,etc... ;-) I seem to fall easily into exaggeration and cliches at the drop of a hat when I'm depressed. At least I can smile about it now and then!  

 I really appreciate those who left comments or e-mailed me, it helps to know that I am missed when I disappear for more than a few days. I am always glad for a small missive to remind me there is a world beyond my gloom.   And despite all this, I know that in the long run I will be okay. The clouds will lift enough for me to find a path-they always have in the past and they will this time, too. I am trying to take care of myself by not beating myself up too much, drinking plenty of water, getting outside every day (no matter how gray the skies), keeping my various appointments without fail, lighting my special candle and meditating(briefly) daily, and remembering others I care about who are also struggling.  

 I have a lot that I am thankful for- people who love me, money to live on, a place that I love to live, a computer to play on, and the sure certain knowledge that this is not forever.  

Blessings, Margo      

13 comments:

jadzia7667 said...

It'll lift, things will get better - I know almost exactly how you feel though - different reasons of course.......same feeling.  ((((Margo))))

ksquester said...

Margo, I am glad you posted an entry. You are missed! Here is a prayer that has given me comfort....
Lord, you are the light I follow down this long, dark tunnel. You are the hand that reaches out and grabs mine when I feel as though I am sinking in despair. I thank you, Lord, for although I may feel like giving up, YOU have not given up on me. AMEN.  Hope this is comforting to you. Margo know that you are loved!   Anne

chasingmoksha said...

Have you been reading anything?  The two times that I would call my “major” depression times, also known as “the couch times”.  LOL!  I laugh now because back in 1992, my second husband and I were literally at a stand still.  He promised he would support me through school and he decided to renege, so I was determined to do nothing.  AND I mean nothing, well, not really, I did clean, but I did little else.  Anyway, black and white movies became my friend, them, and Denise Austin.  Now, I think I would read something light if I were depress and free.  Not something I had to analyze or comb over, but something light and friendly, as in every E.M. Forester novel ever written.  The Room with a View, Chapter 12, is simply beautiful, and funny, and homoerotic, ---somewhat. At least I think.  However if you are too depress to read, then forgive me if I am offending you.  I just would like to make you happy, even if for a second.  Take care, I click on at least once a day.

jeanno43 said...

Can understand exactly, been in that pit for a while now. I think it has only been the computer that has kept me going sometimes.  Like you, I am hoping it will pass, I am sure it will pass.  If there is a way in then there has to be a way out.  So glad to have you back posting Margo, you have been truly missed.

csandhollow said...

The pits are really the PITS!!!! Welcome back. Lurk all you need. We will be here.

ryanagi said...

That's a perfect graphic...under a little black cloud. I know that feeling well. Hope the clouds lift soon. :-)

poetmom1968 said...

There you are Margo.:)  I'm glad you came back to J-land.  We all have our dark times in life.  It's what makes us who we are.  
Thinking of you,
Steph

bosoxblue6993w said...

Depression is like a passing storm.  You find shelter until it passes.  I know that's simplistic as all hell, but it often works for me.
 the storm WILL pass, Margo.

abeator81 said...

Of course you are missed! I do the whole feeling sorry for myself day after day posts...lol...at least today seems better...wow! Even the sun just came out! Thats damn good for England...

Love and hugs, Amy

judithheartsong said...

Oh Margo, you help the sun to shine. I am thinking of you and do love you my friend. judi

slowmotionlife said...

Despite knowing everything you have to be thankful for, depression still haunts.  It's nothing to be ashamed of.  Too many of us feel guilty for feeling "down" when we know others are suffering more than us, but you can't help how you feel, your emotions are no less valid, and I don't think it makes for uninteresting reading.  This is what your journal is for - for getting those thoughts and feelings out.  You obviously have many friends here who are willing to listen and support you.  I hope you keep writing, even if it's only to say you feel like crap.  We all feel that way sometimes - you'd be amazed at how many people can relate.  Hugs to you, Margo!

emfeasel said...

I am so glad to see yu have been here...I enjoy dropping in on you...I hope this passes...soon.

E

indigosunmoon said...

Sweetie, we all get down at times.  Sometimes it's worse than others.  But dont feel like you have to hide when your feeling that way.  This is your journal to write out your feelings!!  And I know it helps me when I write mine down!!!
I hope you find some sort of peace within yourself soon luv.
-Connie