Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Good News, Sad News

 
Too much is happening all at once. I arrived back from Nova Scotia and Meg's wedding Saturday night about 11:30 PM. The wedding was beautiful, despite the fog, and took place outside beside the ocean. Meg looked beautiful in her white (pregnancy) gown. simple high waisted, beaded on the bodice and back, with flowers in her hair, and bare footed-since the dress was a tad too short, and she has no dress shoes anyway!
 
Myla was in a long white dress, too, running back and forth between her parents and Geoff (Meg's dad) me and Nana (Adam's mom), free and happy and unconstrained.
 
Adam looked handsome-and slightly awkward-in his tux, until Meg appeared, walking down the "aisle of trees" with her father and Myla, then he looked dazed and proud. He had absolutely never seen her looking so "girly" before and was dazzled.
 
There were 10 guests (counting Myla) and the dinner afterwards was beyond description. Let me just say, I have not eaten food like that in 20 years. And the Gray Goose Vodka was good, too! Pictures will follow eventually.
 
Last night Luke (my brother who lives in Denver, and got back from the wedding on Saturday, too) called to say Mom was not doing well, in ICU with pneumonia, on antibiotics and not responding well. This morning he called to say that she has refused all heroic means, food, and medicine. I am flying out tomorrow at 6 AM, my sister Catherine arrives at 9:30 PM, and Meg and Myla will fly in on Thursday. My father, who has been in the hospital for weeks, is now in a rehab facility, will be carted over for at least a while each day.
 
We don't know how long it will take her to die, but are all hoping sooner rather than later. There will be no funeral-she is giving her body to DU Med School-and any memorial service is likely to take place later this summer, or even next summer in the Poconos.
 
We kids are all responding in our own irritating (to each other) fashion-Catherine, in the middle of a major med change, has withdrawn and will do her mourning in a safer place than the bosom of the family, Luke is telling us all we MUST be strong (like him) and not break down at all, and I am weeping, and will continue to, except in front of mom, if it upsets her. She, in her inimical fashion, is pissed we are all coming-but will be glad to see us if she is coherent enough to know we're there.
 
And who knows about my father, stuck in a nursing home, still recovering from a month or more in the hospital. They were both there for their 60th Anniversary last month, and the nurses got them a cake. They held hands and smiled. They have not lived together since February when mom had back surgery. Since then one or the other or both have been hospitalized, in rehab, or home alone.
 
Aging sucks and the American way of dying is much, much worse. I will take my laptop with me, but have not always had good luck connecting there, so may be incommucado for a while. I want very badly to return to reading about your lives, my friends, and eventually will make it home and back to J-Land. I will be glad for your thoughts, prayers, meditations, whatever it is that connects you to your higher power, asking for a kind death for mom, and encouragement for all of us left behind.
 
Blessings, Margo
 

10 comments:

dklars said...

Prayers going up.  You'll be in my thoughts.   ~~Kath~~

makemarc said...

I'll be relieved for you both.
My Dad gave his body to science as well.  In a year, when the med students gather to thank the families of the donors, it's very moving.

stetsonsfyre said...

Blessings to you and yours Margo ~ will be lighting a candle for your whole family....((((((Goddess Bless)))))))  Teresa

lisa41076 said...

Awwwww you are in my thoughts hon, sending up prayers, Love You Lisa XO

indigosunmoon said...

Margo,
I am thinking of you, and I will burn some sage and send the white smoke your way to cleanse any negativity surrounding this whole situation...making you and your family a sense of peace.  I will also light a candle for you, and remember honey...angels are all around us, and they are surrounding your Mother right at this very moment, and watching over her.
I love you,
Connie

And I honor you for following your Mother's wishes regarding her body.  Death is hard on a family...but doing what she wanted honors her.  You dont need a burial site, or ashes...you can remember your Mother by planting her favorite tree, or roses or whatever she liked...and you can always go there and feel her presence in that place.

dbaumgartner said...

Bless your heart, my friend.

I will hold you and your family up in my thoughts and send you peace and strength as you go through this.

Just know that you are loved.

Hugs and love to you, my friend

Deb

rdautumnsage said...

My dearest friend, I will be keeping your mom in my prayers on the smoke that her passing is peaceful and serene as it can be. I'm sending strength and love on the wind for the coming days. Your in my thoughts during this time of sadness. (Hugs)Indigo

toonguykc said...

Sending good thoughts of comfort and peace.  Please take care.

(hug)
Russ

gazker said...

I will be sending good vibes to your Mum, I hope she's ok.
Gaz xxxx

ksquester said...

Just arrived back home and back on the computer.  I realize that what you are going through is so very difficult.  Peace be with you Margo.  Anne