Monday, September 18, 2006

OMG-Surgery, Whine, Whine, Piss, Piss

Human beings-and I here I mean me-are funny creatures. I spent the whole summer waiting for my shoulder surgery to be scheduled, complaining that I need it done, the time couldn't pass quickly enough, all I wanted was a date.
 
Well, I have a date, October 19th, and now it feels as if that date is a train barreling down a track straight at me, and there will never be enough time to prepare. Food, toilet paper, paper towels, arrangements to make, the need to open cans and jars and cook with my left hand.
 
And the pain. I remember how much pain there was after the doc I grew to hate put the rod in. And how he belittled the pain. Later, after the Yale Pain Clinic had diagnosed me with chronic pain, I asked the surgeon if he had ever had a broken bone, or had any period of pain in his life, and he admitted he hadn't. That was my last visit with him and soon he left the practice.
 
This time, a doctor I know and trust will remove the screws and the rod (if possible) which have been impinging on my rotator cuff, and then clean out the rotator cuff, for good measure. Oh, joy, I cannot wait to see if the surgery riles up my neuropathy, which runs down my forearm and into my hand. Neuropathy pain sucks.
 
Yes, my anxiety is rising, and the whole thing is bringing up hospital flashbacks, and acute loneliness, for I will come home to an empty house.( Except for Roxy, of course).  Meg will be working 60 to 70 hours a week at our local nuclear power plant, mandated during the planned shut down (for refueling and double checking every piece of equipment).  This will go on through November, and she will have enough on her plate with the new baby and her 12 hour work days.
 
My friend Peggy is working full time, and I will need to have outside help come in, to help with bathing, dishes, etc. And a nurse to come in to check for infection. And the final blow is that I won't be able to drive for six weeks, so I'll have to miss my weekly therapist's appointments, at the time I need to see her he most.
 
Well, this has turned into a finely miserable entry. It feels as if all I do is spew anxiety and then whine about it! I know that patients who go in with a positive outlook do better in surgery and healing, so I had better get my rear in gear and start to fake positivity a little better, so I can make it through!
 
Hope you all are hanging in. I certainly will.
 
Blessings, Margo

8 comments:

ksquester said...

I know how much you must be dreding this, but in all honesty, I think it will go better than you think. You remember the worst and anything less than that will be a blessing. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers Margo.   Anne

dklars said...

Hi Margo!
Maybe your therapist can do phone sessions with you.  At least you wouldn't have to miss them that way.  I wish there were something I could do to help you.
~~Kath~~
http://journals.aol.com/dklars/SecretGarden

lrttklly said...

Hey Margo,
These are very serious concerns, and I certainly did not take this entry as whining.
Recovering from surgery sucks.
And not having in-home help from folks you know and know you well... is very uncomfortable.
But, it can be done.
This surgery is meant to relieve you from some of your suffering.
And I am praying mighty hard that it does.
I love what you said to the insensitive doctor.
You were right on.
Chronic pain is so hard to live with.
People can not see it, and therefore, it does not "exist"... but, if you have chronic pain... well.. you know different.
Regarding your therapist... what about some phone sessions or (gasp) a home visit?
I did that for my clients when they were in dire starights... maybe your counselor will be able to work something out?

jouell3935 said...

HEY LADY!

Geee it has taken me so long to acknowledge your comment...forgive me.
Wow a lot going on Margo. Well I will throw this out to ya...I am here and I can help...I amy be North as North can go in CT but..CT is not that large a state...When and WHere are the therapy sessions...I can Drive :D

I am just an email away and it is NO bother! Plus did ya know most insurance(most not all) have transportation services? May want to check into it...they will pay and drive ya to appointments...some give 10 free visits...Jus an idea!

EMAIL ME...please...I am willing to help anyway I can!

Peace&Love,
Jodi

dbaumgartner said...

Hi Margo,

Take it one step at a time and one issue at a time.  Don't overwhelm yourself.  It will all fall into place, I just know it will.

That warrior woman will come out of hiding and get everyone and everything in line.

Hugs my friend

Deb

indigosunmoon said...

Oh Margo...bless your heart.  I know the anxiety of waiting
for a surgery to happen.  It sucks.  I can't imagine not having
anyone to help me after I've had one.  I've always been
lucky in that regard.  I hope this surgery isn't an overly
painful to recover from, and I pray that your pain in that
shoulder will be gone once you heal.
Much love,
Connie

luvmort said...

Don't wish too hard for what you want, cause then you might get it!  

I do so hope everything comes out fine.  

lisa41076 said...

Margo, I pray your surgery will go ok, I'm so sorry you are in pain, wish I could take it away, Hugs to you Lisa