Saturday, February 18, 2006

Once Again, Warrior Woman

Yes, I am still alive and struggling in Southeastern, CT. I am scheduled for back surgery on the 23rd-yes this coming Thursday- to take care of the back pain before I have this shoulder surgery I've needed for 18 months. Another Eminent DR from Yale is going to do a kyphoplasty. I came right home and googled it. They stick a needle between the vertebrae, blow up a balloon to make space, then fill the hole with cement. Medical cement, not construction cement, I'm told.

I have not been online much for a long time because it hurts to sit in this chair, and my AOL security 9 is terminally screwed up, and I haven't got the energy to fix it. I am now on an AOL 8 I found by accident  stored who knows where, and I'm not sure I'll find it again. How do I feel about the preperation, the MRI the DR's visits and blood draws and drive to Yale to meet the anestesiologist-all crammed into five days? It hasn't been a great week, full of driving-which hurts my back-and pain pills which reduce me to a blithering idiot-I hate the feeling-and I am now walking with a cane because I can't walk straight without it(maybe that's cuz I'm gay!) 

I have all the normal feelings-fear, anger, sadness,  hopelessness, flashbacks to one terrible hospitalization, but I am not giving in to any of them. Warrior Woman has put her war paint on and taken up residence, and will see me throughout will be safe to feel the feelings after the surgery.

. And it sucks being quite alone through all of this. My friends have rallied round with promises to take me down and pick me up, and Peggy, my friend of 52 years (We're 56 now!) has been dropping by and doing my laundry and being generally helpful, but I am still alone in the house a lot and I miss Rene-the good times, of course, not the bad ones. Not that I want her living here again. We talk business occasionally on the phone, and she's pleasant but not friendly.

I got a wonderful surprise when Amy, our resident hippie, ran across my number, and felt moved to call me. It was wonderful. We could talk to each other about issues and problems and joys that we knew about from our journals-it was truly talking to a friend. And it came out of the blue for me, and was a real blessing. Think of me, or pray, or send energy or thoughts or Light, on Thursday morning when I have surgery, Warrior Woman welcomes all kind of help from any Source that is meaningful to you. Thank you all.

Blessings, Margo 



donah42 said...

I'll be thinking of you :)
I enjoyed talking to you too:) Believe it or not, I'm generally a shy person and not that into phones...but somehow talking to J-friends is never's like talking to an old friend:)

dklars said...

Margo, I'll be praying for you before, during and after your surgery.  I hope you recovery quickly, I've missed your posts.

lrttklly said...

The purest gold is tested in the hottest fire.
This is a year of learning for you... and the lessons you have been served up are hard... real hard. Thank God, you know that and have your Warrior Woman prepared for battle.
I will say special prayers for you for pre-surgery, surgery day and post.
Rapid healing and much love,

ksquester said...

Margo, You are in my prayers. I know somebody who just had this surgery and is 78 yrs old. He did GREAT!!!! His previous surgery didn't go well, so he was apprehensive, but really he did great and YOU will also.  Hey, just get on line to tell us you are OK when you come home.  Love, Anne

blondepennierae said...

Margo, you are so amazing.  My strength, love, and prayers all yours.  Pennie

lavernwest said...

Margo, you were missed.  I was so glad to see a post from you.  Will be praying that all goes well for you on Thursday.  So sorry you have had so many difficulties to cope with this past year.  Soon the sun will shine for you!
Much love,

indigosunmoon said...

I've been missing you woman!  So good to hear from you!
Having a strong base of friends is always wonderful. I'm glad
you have that.  I wish you all the best in your upcoming surgeries.
I know you'll do just fine!

dbaumgartner said...

So glad to hear from you.  I was wondering how you were doing.  

I am so glad Amy called you.  She is a dear one.

You will be fine with this surgery.  I just know it, in my heart.  There are more prayers and healing thoughts coming at you from so many j-land friends that you are bound to heal up beautifully.

Hugs my dear friend,


csandhollow said...

Margo I do hope that she will be out of pain soon. Pain hads got to be on of the worse things to suffer.

luvmort said...

Margo! I am thinking of you! Good luck with the see-ment glue. I'm thinking, if it's good enough for model airplanes, it's good enough for you.

lisa41076 said...

Margo, I have missed you alot lately.I wish you the best of luck with your surgery.I hope your pain will be less and you will feel lots better.Please know I will be thinking of you tommorow and sending you hugs and good thoughts, Your Friend Lisa :)

cyndygee said...

I just said a prayer for you after reading this entry . . .   then, I sent a bunch of good thoughts your way.  You ought to intercept them ANY MINUTE.

Heal well, my friend.