Thursday, June 16, 2005

Preparation for Change

Tomorrow I go to New Haven to meet with Dr. B., my surgeon for the gastric bypass, and have pre-surgery testing. You all know how much I love going to doctor's appointments. I am feeling rather split these days. On one hand, the surgery is no big deal; I have been through worse, and more painful surgeries in the last decade or so.

 The dangerous parts-anesthesia, heart failure, infection-are things over which I have no control . I've done my homework, picked a meticulous surgeon, chosen a good hospital, and made the decision. The rest is in the hands of the Mother.  

On the other hand, OMG! I am choosing to have my stomach made into a pouch the size of my Chihuahua's brain. I have to learn to eat all over again, and in a radically different way. I'll have to cope with everyone asking me how I am, making a fuss, commenting on my body size-smaller is good, but it is also noticeable and fair game for discussion. I will also have to deal with what ever demons rise when I can no longer use food as an escape All stuff I'd rather not have to do.  

But I will.  

I know that I am not someone who leaps gladly and hopefully into change. For a lot of reasons, change is scary for me, and I always want to put it off. On the other hand, I have learned that I actually do change quite well after I have spent inner time on the idea of making whatever change life necessitates. I can see this well with 20/20 hindsight, but still am struggling to believe changing well will happen again this time.  

But it will.  

I can see this is by way of a pep talk to myself, in preparation for tomorrow's adventures, Poor Rene is taking me down, preparing for a long day, and working to convince me she is happy to do so. She is a good woman, because she hates hospitals a lot more than I do! I'll let everyone know how it goes.  

Blessings, Margo    

6 comments:

ksquester said...

I admire you commitment and courage. All will go well. Think of what a good change it is and how you will feel better everyday.  I really do admire you.  Anne

kissofvanity said...

Wow, you're so close.  I'm excited for you.  Yes, your life will change, but why not?  It's your turn now.  :)

Ana~

ryanagi said...

Good luck!

indigosunmoon said...

Margo,
I'll be holding your hand in spirit honey, and
I know your going to be holding mine!
We'll get through this.  
I am having the same types of feelings
you are babe.  All the fears.
Gosh, it's so damn scary.
But we'll get through it.  And we're gonna
be so much happier, healthier and
downright sexier because we did this!
Love ya,
Connie

jeanno43 said...

Hope all goes well xxxx

mccine said...

Good Luck! I wish you well.