Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Moving Towards Change

I have a date for gastric bypass surgery: July 11,2005. It is hard to believe that after that my stomach will hold only a couple of ounces of food or water at a time, and my life will change as radically as it did after the fall at work on August 7, 2003. Perhaps more radically.  

As some of you may have noticed, I am not someone who rushes into change with wild optimism and enthusiasm. My most inner being whispers that change is bad, difficult, painful, dangerous, and I might-no probably will-die. Not from the surgery, you understand, but from the changes brought down upon my head by any big move forward on my part.  

In my head I know that I don't die from changes, even major big ones. My experience in the second half of my life is that I actually survive quite nicely. After a period of inner turmoil and strife, I come up with-or am given-images and insights which I use in some unknowable inner process to first cope and then grow. I don't know how or why this works for me, but it does, and I am blessed by the process.  

My heart, battered as it is by scars and bypasses, wants to keep on beating so I can continue to look for new ways to grow and change. I want  to live and express love by giving it back to the universe in new and different ways.  

 So I plan to move as serenely as possible into this surgery, accepting the risk and the profound changes it will bring. I will only look a few steps ahead (although I have done my research and know exactly what is ahead of me) lest I panic and freak and fall back into old patterns just when I need new patterns to blossom.  

 Blessings, Margo  

8 comments:

lrttklly said...

Margo,
Carrying you in prayer through this.
I have known someone who has had this surgery and know the struggle involved in coming to this decision and the hard work needed to make it succeed.
Blessings to you.
(((((Hugs)))))
Loretta

ryanagi said...

Things are getting very interesting! Please keep posting about your experience. I am still reading/watching with avid interest.

ksquester said...

I know 2 people who have had this done and they FEEL great! It was a good decision of their part and it is on your part too. However the wait between now and then is the tough, emotional part.   Anne

kissofvanity said...

Sounds like things are progressing just as they should be.  Peace.  :)

Ana

hope5555 said...

What a big step!  You are very brave. I will pray for you.

csandhollow said...

I know several people that have had it done and they are so glad!!!! My prayers are with you!

blondepennierae said...

I cant say that I am happy that you are going to have surgery ... you'd know that I was lying.  But as others have said before me I know several people that have had it done and are very pleased with the result.  Change is very scary, but it gives us a chance ot grow and expand with the experience.  You are so very special.  I love your philosophy and determination.  You certainly have accepted what life has dished out.  You are a beautiful woman.  God Bless, Pennie

hestiahomeschool said...

July 11 is a very special day for me. It is the birthday of my beloved Grandma Ada, and also the day I went into labor with Tabitha--who took ten years to conceive--shewas born at 12:33 am on July 12th.

I think it is a good omen.

:-)