Even though it is still chilly here in Southeastern CT, spring is slowly leaching over into summer, as the irises begin to bloom, and the trees leaf out more each day. I have lived in my little rundown red house for 26 years, and can measure time by the blooming of neighborhood gardens and the leafing of different trees. For this I am truly grateful, because I am concentrating on getting pleasure out of the little things at the moment.
This month has been stressful, and I now realize that, counting physical and mental therapy, doctors' appointments and medical testing, I have 22 appointments this month. No wonder I spend my time in such a daze. Just getting out the door is a major obstacle, never mind the psychic energy needed to cope! I am a weak sister these days! (But also a VERY strong one, just to keep going)
Plus I have gone down on the pain patch(I have used a 50 for 15 month, am now on a 25) so my pain level is way up. I want off the patch so I can feel less drugged, and for the upcoming surgeries. And I do not like my pain management doctor at all, but have not had the energy to begin the search for a new one yet.
Twenty-two appointments may be a record for me, even after last month's hospitalization, especially since I am lugging an oxygen tank along with me full time. I have tried different sizes, and now settle for whichever one is nearest to the door as I struggle out the door.
I have a date for pre-testing for the gastric bypass surgery: July 11th. That means I will have the surgery before August 11th, because the pre-testing is only good for 30 days. Now all I have to do is not gain ANY weight between now and then or the surgeon will make me lose 50 lbs before he will do it. I certainly understand the premise. If I am committing to change for the rest of my life, a few weeks in a holding pattern is not too much to ask, but it is very hard not to fall into the "just one more time" syndrome about all the food I love to eat.
Yesterday I had an appointment with a workers' comp doctor, who said (of course) that the pin in my arm does not need to come out. My orthopedist says it might help the pain. I want it out, so my attorney will have to do his stuff. I would be enormously frustrated, except that I want the weight loss surgery done first, because it will make the 2nd surgery safer if I am smaller.
Today I prep for tomorrow's colonoscopy, a must because of my mother's rectal cancer last year- this year's surgery was due to scar tissue and adhesions from the first two surgeries, but, Goddess bless her, she is hanging in. I so want her to see me lose weight.