Monday, October 30, 2006

this too shall pass

well, i never made it to a nursing home. i got caught in workers' comp hell. it's a long story, too long to type with my left hand, but suffice it to say that i was home alone for most of the last week, fighting with my case worker, who had hired a healthcare company that kept no-showing. Wednesday, i fired them- a heady moment-and called my worker to demand a new company, and my lawyer to back me up, and the new company arrived early Friday morning.
and that's the short version!
i did have some help, mostly from peggy, who has stopped by most days, from robin, who calls daily, and twice from the local visiting nurses, despite my case worker's angry statement they would not get paid.[i've already spoken to my lawyer-they will get paid!]
so how have i been? you may well ask. well, i made it through, through my pain, my loneliness, my rage, my fear of falling-I did go down once, but managed to land softly and get up-my anger over my situation,  my inability to take the tops off my meds or crush them, my continuing doubts that surgery was the wrong choice, and way too many hours of television, because anesthesia messes up my ability to retain what i read.
i have also been feeling sad and alone in the world. but i have once again been caught in the cycle of asking myself why i have so few friends. something i've done? or not done? with my head, i recognize it has been because i have been out of work-and out of the world-for over three years now. but emotionally it feels as if it is something i've done wrong. this too shall pass, it always does
and why has my daughter not been around at all, to drop by with[or even without] myla?  i know she is working 60 to 70 hours a week, has the baby, and adam just moved in last week. also, all three of them have been miserably sick, especially myla who can't breath and nurse at the same time, and keeps screaming with frustration. just a few small things, you know, :) still, i miss her.
today i had my first check up post surgery. i am doing well, all things considered, but have to keep the staples for another week. it may well be three or four weeks before i can drive. on the other hand, i can start mild occupational therapy here at home. it is a small step towards having a life again.
blessings, margo


lisa41076 said...

Margo, I am so sorry you have been sad and alone lately, I wish you lived closer, I would love to hang out with you, Hugs Lisa

dbaumgartner said...

You say you have sadness and loneliness, but I may be wrong but what I hear is more contemplation on one's position.  I don't hear acceptance at all.  I hear acknowledgment and movement toward change.  I believe the Warrior Woman is beginning to stand tall and take notice of things that must be done.

You stand strong my friend.  I hope, somewhere, somehow, we have the chance to share a hug and a cup of tea.


luvmort said...

Look, if you typed this whole mess with one hand after all this madness, you are one strong mofo woman!

I have all the faith in you to pull through.  

toonguykc said...

I owe you so many thank-you's for the comments you've left in my journal.  And I also owe you an apology (or ten) for not finding your journal here.  I'm mostly stupid!  I'm linking you to my demon blog -- if that's okay with you.

You handle struggle so much better than I could ever hope to.  My instinct is to give up.

You rock, lady!


csandhollow said...

I am so sorry I have not been here. I have been wallowing and have forgotten my friends. I am caught up and my reading of your space here. I am so sorry that you are having to go thru this crap with the  case worker. They can be so stupid sometimes. Yopu ave done so well since Rene left. I know it has been hard but you have survived! You are a survivor and a fighter. I admire you for that.