Monday, September 19, 2005

Just More of the Same

All day I have been wracking my brain about something funny and light I could use as a lead in to my Journal entry, because my life is so dismal I'm boring myself...but nothing has risen, so I'll be quick as I can.  

I have not written in over a week because I feel like a fly in amber, only not so pretty or interesting. Nothing has changed. I am still trying to increase my liquids, without much success. still attached to my PICC line, still getting IV feeding at night, still waking up every one and a half to two hours to pee, still dehydrated, still not losing weight, still stuck. And still trying not to let myself slip over the rim of the hole called Deep Depression.  

I am still doing many of the right things, too. I go out most days, to a doctor's appointment or shopping briefly, or for a ride with Peggy or Rene. I play at the computer, and read both newspapers, and take a brief nap, and try not to watch too much TV. I went to a local monthly WLS support group, which was a definite mixed bag. I met a woman named Tracey who reads my blog, ands now I read hers, which was great, and it was wonderful to be around others who struggle with the same issues I had before I had my setback.  

At the same time, I also felt so set apart from them, as they traded food hints, and protein powder drinks, and I cannot keep any down, cannot eat anything, I went home depressed as all get out, but determined to go again. At least I know that all the stuff I was worrying about before life went awry was normal!  

 I will rise from this funky place I seem to be inhabiting at some point or another-I always have in the past, so I believe I will this time, and hope to regain both a sense of perspective and a sense of humor when that happens.  

Blessings, Margo

13 comments:

ryanagi said...

{{{Margo}}} You're doing the best you can. I hope things improve soon.

ksquester said...

Margo, Please know that I think of you often. I am glad you get out and glad you went to the meeting. I hope you do not let your life be led by numbers, going up or down or by the initials DNA (does not apply) It is real easy for me to sit here and tell you that and "'scuze" me for doing so. Sometimes I just have to say,
"Screw the numbers on the scale" I am just going to do what I need to do. At least you are up and looking for light at the end of the tunnel. It does exsist and I know you will find it. Hang tough and strong.  YOU are a warrior!   Anne

derasta said...

I read your journal often, although I do not comment...I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you...you've been thru so much...and my heart goes out to you.

indigosunmoon said...

Margo,
This setback won't last forever.  I know your having a hard
time right now.  My heart goes out to you.  
Thinking of you and sending big hugs,
Connie

bosoxblue6993w said...

well, i suppose my suggestion for taking up badmitten will fall on deaf ears, huh?

seriously, Margo ... you are in my thoughts and prayers.

cyndygee said...

Margo,

If you feel like it come read this entry . . .  I had taken it out of an e-mail.  I found it encouraging . . .
            http://journals.aol.com/cyndygee/TheRealWorldofcyndygee/

You are in my thoughts and prayers,
                                                Cyndy

judithheartsong said...

I am right here. judi

blondepennierae said...

One of the papers I read featured two of their writters, one male and one female, that recently had the surgery.  I found it very informative, but I also read the same feelings of separatness and food issues with those two that you have shared here with us.  It's not an easy road that you have chosen to travel, but you have many people that respect and love you.   You are in our thoughts and prayers always.  Love, Pennie

christapaz said...

You can't be where you are not. I so appreciate your honest feelings, and for your strength and courage in sharing your journey through all of this. love, christa

cheetozmartini said...

Margo!
I think you are doing wonderfully -- especially for all that you have been through! We all have our special problems/questions and concerns w/ this surgery -- yours just seems to be a lot more intense...I do not envy you, but I do admire you. Please be easy on yourself, heal and keep in touch w/ me....
I am thinking of you and sending good healing vibes your way!
Tracy
PS. YOUR blog is for you to express yourself in any way that you want ~~ whine, cry, laugh, joke ~ be YOU...I LIKE YOU!!!

csandhollow said...

I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you for doing what you did. I know that the road is rough. I also know that you are strong enough to make it down the road to the places you want to be. BTW I happen to think that amber is pretty!

njlittlebear said...

Stay Strong...I know its so hard to keep thinking positive but there will be light at the end of the tunnel soon.  

NJLB
http://journals.aol.com/njlittlebear/MyBigFatGeekLife/

ps....I can send ya some funny penis jokes if ya want.

((((((((((MARGO)))))))))))

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