Sunday, September 11, 2005

It's My Birthday!

Mood: cautiously Hopeful  

Today is my birthday; I am 56 years old.  For me, today starts the new year, as fall begins to creep in, bringing cooler nights and sweater weather. This is my favorite time of year (at least until spring arrives, then spring is my favorite) and I start looking forward to trees changing color, to crackling through dead leaves on the ground, to a trip to the Poconos to see my parents before they go back to Colorado.  

 I would also add it's the time of years for Courtland apples and cider and doughnuts and soups and stews and Halloween candy, but this year is different. I'll look forward to being able to eat applesauce and yogurt instead, I guess.  

Having a birthday on 9/11 is a mixed bag now. The date is etched forever in our consciousness as a country, a day of horror and sorrow and fear. It changed our world, and not for the better.Not to celebrate it would let the terrorists win, but celebrating it is difficult, too. And now we are in a winless war, with so many more dying and being maimed, all young men and women, scarred for life, physically and emotionally. And then there is the disgraceful response to those so terribly affected by Katrina... I will NOT go off into a political tirade, but these are discouraging times.  

This year, like last year and the year before, we are low-keying my birthday. Two years ago I was just out of the hospital after surgery because of my fall at work, and last year I was deeply depressed and feeling hopeless, though I was faking happiness pretty well for my journal.  

This year, despite everything, I am less deeply depressed, though perhaps more anxious. I know I have more medical stuff ahead of me-I need a second surgery on my arm-and I am entrenched in a battle with Worker's Comp, which has decided I no longer need meds for my chronic pain, let alone the surgery. I have a disability hearing coming up, and expect to be turned down because I do not have one big overriding problem or disease, but a accumulation of many little ones.  

And yet, today, on my 56th birthday, the sun is shining and the air is cool and Rene gave me beautiful Swarovsky crystal stud earrings she brought back from Europe, so I will accept the gift of a quiet day and let all the problems wait until tomorrow.  

Blessings, Margo

24 comments:

thebaabee said...

Happy Birthday Margo!!!!

Good luck at your SS Hearing.  When is it?  I just had mine on Thursday.  Love bunches LuAnne
http://journals.aol.com/thebaabee/LUANNESLIFELIVINGWITHLUPUS

jouell3935 said...

Margo....
Happy Birthday!!!
Yes a day for you of mixed emotion...Yet a day to celebrate your life. YOUR life. You are blessed. I feel blessed to have befriended a very kind soul....Many more....many more!
Peace
Jodi

ksquester said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Margo! Celebrate and wear those earrings. In fact, post your picture with those earrrings on! This is also my son's birthday. He is 32 today. I just know this will be a better year for you!   Anne

ryanagi said...

Happy Birthday!  This day is a mixed bag for us too. After the emotional devistation of the day, that night (9/11/01) we got the call that Tyler was on his way. We were "expecting". Talk about a roller coaster day... I felt so guilty for being happy at the end of the day from the exciting news.

indigosunmoon said...

Oh my...Happy Birthday Margo.
I'll bet your earrings are lovely!
Much love,
Connie

viviansullinwank said...

Happy Birthday {{{{{Margo}}}}}!
Vivian

bosoxblue6993w said...

i noticed you're the same age as i am.    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARGO.

christapaz said...

Happy, Happy Birthday, Margo! You do sound very hopeful, and it is good to hear. Fall is my favorite time of the year, too. Only we in Louisiana don't have fall till late October or November. I hope you celebrate yourself and the victories of the past two years! And, I will say a little prayer on the disability hearing, because I know from experience with my residents that it's really just voodoo. love, christa

cyndygee said...

It is the beginning of a year of new experiences, positive change.

You are a lovely sensitive woman with so much to offer.  I am sending you happy belated birthday hugs and know that you are UP for the challenges ahead.  They are SO worth it!  Hugs!
                              Cyndy

csandhollow said...

Happy Birthday!

judithheartsong said...

Happy Birthday Dear Margo............ I am beyond lucky to have you in my circle of friends, and I wish you an upcoming year filled with growing peace and contentment, and less pain.
love to you all there,
judi

dbaumgartner said...

Happy Birthday, my friend.  May this year be full of blessings and happiness.

I send you 56 hugs for you, my friend.

Deb

yorksrose04 said...

Happy Birthday Margo.
Sorry i am a bit late sending my wishes. I hope you did celebrate it, if in a low key way.
It is a special day, for it is the day you were born.

Yorks-rose xxx

cheetozmartini said...

Hey lady! It is Tracy from last night. It was so nice to meet you!! I hope I did not embarass you when I said, "Hey! I read your blog!" It was just really cool to meet you in person! I have been reading right along and know that you have been having problems ~ but really the extent of those problems and talking to you in person really touched me. I must say you have a wonderful sense of humor about this situation (ie, going home to eat dinner!). Hang in there...and this too shall pass. I look forward to seeing you next month and in the mean time I am going to send you the link to my blog. Take good care of yourself. I can imagine how tough it is for you, but from meeting you briefly last night, I think you are doing well and have a great, firey personality. Strength be with you....Tracy

chasingmoksha said...

Happy Birthday Margo!

dklars said...

Happy Belated Birthday!!
~~Kath~~
http://journals.aol.com/dklars/SecretGarden

njlittlebear said...

Oh Crap !  I missed it.   I'm so sorry !  Happy Belated Birthday.  The earings sound fabulous.

NJLB

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hestiahomeschool said...

It was your birthday first....I also wanted to thank you for reading Tabby's journal and leaving comments. It is very kind of you and it makes her so happy.