You'd think any week that starts with being unofficially declared disabled has no where to go but up, wouldn't you? Not so this week. Tuesday I received a denial from Social Security Disability, which tells me that I am able to return to my past work, even though I am experiencing some discomfort(!), Wednesday, Sen. Kerry was kind enough to send me an e-mail, conceding to Bush. I worry about our future as individuals and as a country. Thursday, it became clear that the cortisone shot Dr. Only-Do-Hands gave me was not one of my best moves. My hand still hurts, and my whole arm is painfully numb, in a way that defies description. Today I have a killer headache, and could not go out with Rene and friends for dinner.
Sorry for myself? You betcha. I am really in a slump. I am still doing all the correct things. Called my attorney about SSD benefits, went to the gym twice, allowed myself a week or two of mourning before looking for political coalitions to join, cried (for me this is always therapeutic), decided to spend the first two weeks in Dec. visiting my parents in Colorado, saw my therapist, went with Rene to couples' counseling, took a cold short, brisk walk, and a nap most days.
Next week I'll do more correct things, refusing to fall into complete inertia, and hope against hope that some switch in the kaleidoscope of life will offer more light, more color, more energy, more hope for the future. One small brightness is my excitement at discovering a fellow member of J-and who lives in the next town over. Sara and I are going to have tea on Tuesday. She can be found here: http://journals.aol.com/ceschorr/LifewithoutLaundry/. Like Sara, I never thought I would have a real J-Land get together in my own backyard!
I apologize to those who read my journal that I keep posting from the same old place, that I cannot see beyond the end of my nose, because I do know life can be quite good, even on a reduced level, and that I just have to get over some hump to see that. Then I can move on a bit, to seeing the light as well as the dark. Meanwhile, thank you for your comments; I can no longer imagine what my life would be like without you.